There’s never going to be the right amount of time. Time seems to move in slow motion when we want things to move quickly while there are other moments that we want to last forever.
As I drove home for the final time from my last day of high school, I thought about the way I spend my time. Senior year has been a whirlwind of trying to live in the moment and being present while also trying to think of the future. It is impossible and unnatural to not look to the future. It’s the balance of this excitement yet uncertainty in the midst of trying to be all in to the moments and relationships we have now that makes it difficult sometimes.
On my drive home today I realized that I wasted too much time this year being anxious and angry about things I could not change. There were times I was not able to fully pour in to my friends and family because I was so discontent with my reality. There are always going to be things that seem as though they are wrecking you in the moment when in reality they are either completely irrelevant to your life or are rather helping you grow in a way you don’t realize. There were times I found myself focusing only on the negativity around me rather than trying to see the good in things. I let the little things become big and the unimportant become important. What I often did not realize in these moments though was that there is way more good than bad and way more joy than hurt to focus on. This negativity can rob us of some of the sweetest times. It’s living in the moment and being all in with my relationships that I find pure sweetness and joy.
These ten months of senior year could have been ten years and it still would not have felt like enough time. There were days I wished would fast forward and move straight to graduation day and then there were days I wished I could pause and rewind continuously. These past few months have been overflowing with those moments I wish could last forever. I’ve heard it said that it is the little moments that make life big. I truly believe that my heart is made of these little moments–whether it is cheering in the stands underneath the Friday night-lights in the pouring rain-or- road tripping to a concert in a car full of my best friends blasting Fergie -or- waking up extra early on Friday mornings to spend time in fellowship –or- cramming excessive amounts of girls at a lunch table made for eight -or- grabbing waffles on a Saturday morning –or- gathering around the library to do anything but study -or- sprinting through Animal Kingdom like a child to ride a roller coaster under the stars –or- sneaking out at camp to explore -or- jumping in to a pool full clothed with 85 of my classmates holding hands -or- sitting at my favorite place in my hometown with my closest friends while watching the sunset listening to nostalgic music.
It’s those moments with those people that remind me everything is just as it should be. It’s hard to think about things changing and those moments being all in the past but it is so sweet to remember that these are times and people who have shaped my heart and remain there until forever. We were not made to live in steadiness for our entire life. Things would eventually become stagnant and routine. In order to grow we must face change. The difficult times and the joyous times are all molding us in so many ways that we do not realize at times. It’s hard to let go of some of it but there is so much planned for us ahead to be pumped about.
There is never going to be an easy time to let go of some of it but I think the best thing we can do is live in the now rather than the tomorrow or the yesterday. So just for the moment, let’s be still.
Caroline Elise Mitchell 